Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
