I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
