i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
