Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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