sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
