this beer tastes like vomit already
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My vagina just clenched in fear
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
