Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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