did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
where does the pee come out of this thing
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
