My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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