Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There's always time for handjobs
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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