Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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