I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
