She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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