I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
