the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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