Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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