Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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