is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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