he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
