I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
