Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Randomize
