I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
