I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We smell like vodka and hangover
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