Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
