im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
