You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
