I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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