yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
