it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize