If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
