I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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