I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
