im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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