Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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