He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
