Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize