This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
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