I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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