not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
