i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
