My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
