I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
