He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize