This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
