I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You're like the curious george of whores
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
