sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
