Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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