Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
