put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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