man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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