Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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