I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
