splinters make it hard to masturbate
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
