Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize