i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
