did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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