I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
