you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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