She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
