Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
