I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
