if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize