my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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