so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
