just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
