My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where is the hickey?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize