i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
