the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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