He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Houston, we have a squirter
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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