what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
