So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
