I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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