We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if only i could text you this smell
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
